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Boundaries are hard to set and maintain--especially in the ministry.  Listen to the (familiar?) words a clergy colleague had to digest after he decided to call on his pastoral relations committee for help on setting boundaries around his work-time schedule:

     "What happened was completely unexpected -- at least by me! After I made my presentation I paused to await the reactions of the pastoral relations committee members.
     Four people spoke up right away and their comments nearly overwhelmed me. The first person to speak was the lay leader of the congregation. She said to me, "Well, Larry, if you can't do the job, you're still young enough to get a job in counseling!" (She knew that I had a degree in counseling.)
     Then the lay member to the annual conference spoke up and asked me; "Well, pastor, what did you expect when you came into ministry?" Then a third lady responded, "I know pastors who do more than that." (i.e. work more than sixty-two hours per week)
     Finally, an older man spoke up and said, "I raised cattle for thirty years and I never had a day off." [1]

This same clergy colleague comes to the following conclusion on setting and maintaining boundaries in the parish ministry:

The issue is boundaries and if one does not have them when first hired or appointed as a pastor it can be very difficult to reestablish them once they've been violated. That includes the use of our time and space and sometimes even the use of our spouse's time. Of course, there are some of us, like me, who make it difficult to set limits for ourselves because we are workaholics. We will find all kinds of excuses to go to the office "for just a few minutes" even on our day(s) off. [2]

The problem is that ministers face a vast number of boundary issues--perhaps more so than any other professionals.  In most religious communities the leader takes on a role larger than life when it comes to ethical, spiritual, and even family value issues. In the Roman Catholic tradition, for instance, the priest is often viewed as "being married" to the church.  A priest's life is to some degree expected to be public.  Similarly, a Protestant minister is also expected to live a highly transparent life--to set an example for others to see and follow in the local community.

It is easy to see how such expectations of a "public life" can challenge any boundaries that a minister attempts to set or maintain. It may also explain the great number of boundary issues clergy are faced with. 

It may be helpful to identify a few boundaries ministers need to have in place:

• Theological boundaries--ministry should be done with theological integrity; sometimes, ministers may feel obliged to compromise their theology; e.g. in performing controversial marriages; "private" baptisms, Christian funeral services for non-religious people, etc.)
• Ethical boundaries--issues concerning morality and values-- ministry should be done with integrity; e.g. a minister may feel pressured to compromise on ethical convictions by tolerating poor (if not illegal) church business practice for the "survival" of the local church,etc.)
• Personal boundaries--private sphere may be violated; personal space needs to be created by finding spaces away from the ministry; this is especially true for clergy living in parsonages connected to the church)
• Family boundaries--this is an often overlooked personal boundary.  Ministers must be very intentional to draw boundaries around their families.  Too often is the privacy of  clergy families violated.  In many congregations, there are still high expectations on clergy spouses and other family members.
• Spiritual boundaries--It is absolutely essential that leaders in ministry block time out for times of spiritual refreshment. Even Jesus got away from his ministry for this purpose.
• Economic boundaries--it's easy to get persuaded into making economic sacrifices in the ministry.  For example: many clergy are expected to forgo in a "spirit of modesty" an adequate pension plan or other equity-building alternatives.
• Professional Boundaries--there is of course a code of professional ethics every clergy person should be morally committed to. These boundaries may vary from denomination to denomination, or even from local church to local church.

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Tackling Boundaries--A Few Helpful Tips:

The Twelve "Unit" Schedule for Pastors:
Some churches are following a guideline with regard to their pastor's work week. For a full-time pastor,  the normal working week should have twelve--a unit being a morning, an afternoon or an evening. Twelve units equal roughly 42 hours per week (if you assume 3.5 hours per unit).

If this kind of boundary is adopted by a local congregation, it can be very beneficial for both pastor and congregation. In his thoughts on the "unit" schedule for pastors, Larry LaPierre adds an important aspect: "It can be especially helpful to have a list of duties with approximate amounts of time to be devoted to each task as a guide for both the pastor and the congregation." [3]

Setting Boundaries of a "Pastoral" Kind:

In a recent interview, Bill Easum reminds us of how important it is for ministers to set a clear boundary on their calling.  It is very easy to be bogged down with the pressing tasks of administration, visitation, or even" janitorial" tasks in the church ministry while loosing one's pastoral vision and direction.  He says:

[Pastors] are called to preach and bring people to Christ. They are to make a difference in the world. They aren’t called to be nursemaids to people who are never going to grow up. Over a period of time, I have seen pastor after pastor lose his or her edge and give in to people’s demands that he or she take care of them. That’s what I mean by returning to the initial call—where it became clear what God wanted you to do—and you went out and believed you could change the world. That’s what we’ve got to return to. [4]

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Concluding Remarks: Setting boundaries in the ministry should probably be viewed as a long-term project.  It is a matter of raising awareness and educating laity over a long period of time.  Eventually, however, such endeavor should produce advocates for the minister and her/his family. The first step, of course, is that the clergy person becomes aware of the significance of boundaries in the ministry him/herself. The following list of questions may be helpful in this challenge:

As You think About Boundaries Consider the following Questions:
(found on The Parsonage.org)

1. Is there someone else who could do a better job of completing the task I am working on right now?
2. Am I trying to be too many things to too many people? Remember that there was only one Messiah and He died and rose again 2,000 years ago. You are not Him.
3. When was the last time I spent quality time with my spouse and/or children? Am I maintaining a dating relationship with my spouse? Am I involved in my kids' lives? Am I having fun with them? Do they enjoy the fact that I am their dad or mom?
4. Am I involved in an equipping ministry so that others in the church body are being given an opportunity to exercise their gifts and talents? Am I training and preparing others to share the work of the Lord in this place? We realize there is no ideal situation, but according to Ephesians 4, one of the key roles of a pastor is to equip the saints to do the work of ministry.
5. How is my walk with the Lord? Am I staying open to Him? Spending time with Him on a regular basis? Maintaining a vibrant prayer life?
6. Is my life a total outflow? We should all be immersed in ministry, but even Jesus took regular breaks to rest and reflect.
7. When was the last time I took some vacation time? A weekend off? A sabbatical?
8. Am I making time to have regular exercise? Am I taking care of myself physically? Take a walk. Play a round of golf. Make a healthy habit of doing things that help you relax and unwind.
9. Am I learning how to say 'no'? We cannot do everything asked of us. We need to stay close to the Lord so that we can discern how He wants us to most effectively spend each of our days.
10. Am I expecting to see my pastoral goals reached too soon? God wants us to dream and plan, but sometimes the key stress in ministry that causes boundary breakdown is being impatient with God's timing when we are trying to change, adjust or refine a program in the church. [5]

_____________________________________
[1] Larry LaPierre in Limits and Boundaries to Protect the Pastor
[2] ibid.
[3] ibid.
[4] Bill Easum in How do I define boundaries in my ministry? How do I define boundaries in my ministry?
[4] Bill Easum in How do I define boundaries in my ministry? How do I define boundaries in my ministry?
[5] Focus on the Family in The Parsonage.org

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Your Thoughts:

Date: 29 Aug 2002

Contribution

Eugene Peterson has some valuable insights about the pastoral call - read "Under the Unpredictable Plant" - you'll be glad you did.!

Date: 29 Aug 2002

Contribution

That was from kbc in SC

Date: 30 Aug 2002

Contribution

In my experience lay people often do not understand the boundary issue for us. So that it is up to us to set the boundaries and understand that people might not always get it. I came to a realization that my need to please people was in conflict with my need to set boundaries - and I had to choose. The answer for me is to start with trusted clergy friends and then move into a conversation with the congregational leaders. I have learned as a parent - that if you are going to set boundaries - you can't always expect the other people to like them.

Pastor Marg

Date: 31 Aug 2002

Contribution

It is difficult, I admit, to set vocational boundaries. Especially since we're in a financial crunch and had to lay off our secretary. I try to be cheerfully sarcastic when someone points out an error on the bulletin (I forgot to change the names of ushers and the head usher told me). I said, "Oh, gosh. I hope it didn't throw you too bad." This is in a church where the ushers scheduled SELDOM are the ushers who serve anyhow! It's a control thing.

When a woman came into my office, not knocking (the pastor's study and administrative office are one and the same), and started asking me all these questions about a UMW project, I just said, "That's a UMW project." She said, "Oh, I know, but I hate to ask Ruth and Judy to do any more ..." the clear hint was that I was supposed to take it. I suggested, "Maybe we've gotten to the point where you need to stop doing this project." I turned back to my computer and she persisted AGAIN. I lost my pastoral edge at that point and stared daggers into her. She has, however, been much more respectful of my time and space. The vocational stuff, well, she's a control freak and I guess I'll just have to keep playing volleyball with her on that. She tries to run the church by telling the preacher what to do. It occurred to me that she controls and finds excuses to come into the office to bug me because she wants contact with her pastor.

I respond by asking her how things are going in her life. They're, of course, ALWAYS fine. Just like when her husband came out of heart surgery, she looked as if she was having an ecstatic religious experience. At 75 or so years old, I'm not going to change her, but I can keep asking how she is, how her husband is, and telling her, "You're important, too."

She who won't be controlled.

Sally in GA

Date: 31 Aug 2002

Contribution

A "pearl beyond price" in this struggle to maintain boundaries, fulfill our vocation, and do what is necessary without burning out - THE ART OF PASTORING: Contemplative Reflections, written by William C. Martin, published by Vital Faith Resources, P.O. Box 18378, Pittsburgh, PA 15236. 412-655-4958 I'm recovering from near-burnout myself, and this little book, shared with me by a Lutheran Pastor, has been a treasure. I hope it helps someone else out there in "pastor-land"! God bless you all - Frandy

Date: 31 Aug 2002

Contribution

Listen, I've gotta say two things: (1) For three years I kept a Thursday sabbath, and that had a wonderful effect on the boundaries of who I was and what was expected of me. (2) I don't do it any more, and I have found resentment, stress, helplessnss begin to mount up and overwhelm me. Can one spiritual discipline have so much of an effect? Let us pray for on another. kbc in sc

Date: 01 Sep 2002

Contribution

I work hard at maintaining a support group of other clergy women that I see at least once a week. It is most helpful to have a trusted and caring group to meet with and share our concerns. I am much better about setting boundaries now than when I was ordained 11 years ago. Setting boundaries is our task and congregations can be trained. Sue in Cuba, KS

Date: 03 Sep 2002

Contribution

I have been in my parish for three years now, and have found the hardest part of setting up boundaries with folks has been the ghost of my predecessor(s?). So far as I can tell, he didn't have any.

You know the type, the old-time country parson whose life was the church (and his spouse's life was, too). Never took a day off, parishioners always welcomed in the manse, lived and breathed his ministry 24/7.

I know all of this is unhealthy, but when trying to establish my ministry it has certainly been a challenge to help parishioners see that. Some, granted, have been quite supportive of my desire for myself and my family to have our time together and for me to take regular retreats, etc. But I still feel like I'm wrestling with the ghost ("Rev. soadson never had a problem with doing all this work.")

He did do some amazing ministry here, but does anyone have any thoughts?

HM in ON

Date: 05 Sep 2002

Contribution

What a timely subject. I'm having a great deal of trouble with my PPRC over boundary issues. We're having a debate over my sabbath day, time for my recreational interest, proper procedures, etc. Maintaining boundaries is a struggle but I know if I don't set set them I'll burn out soon. Thanks for this topic and the info.

Pastor C. WV

Date: 08 Sep 2002

Contribution

To the Editorial Staff and Colleagues in Ministry:

Frank Schaefer and the Editorial Staff have done a wonderful job in revamping the older Web Theological Forum Web Site (WTS). The newer format is very attractive and appealing. The shift of emphasis from theological discussions, ever how significant, has been well done. The move to a more pastoral theme, such as the current topic on setting boundaries, should prove to be very instructive.

The excellent quality of the introductory article, the additional links and the participants’ responses augers well for the future of the DPS Pastoral Care Site.

As a former editor of the previous WTS Theological Forum I am extremely pleased with the newest addition to the rich array of offerings on the Desperate Preacher’s Site.

Congratulations!

Peace,

Gregory in Dot, MA

Date: 10 Sep 2002

Contribution

I agree! This a definite problem. HM in ON, I followed a pastor who fits your description to a "T." He died during his time here. It was his first church, and while he was appointed only part-time, he spent many more than his appointed hours in calling in the community, etc. His wife also took responsibility for many tasks in the church: Sunday school superintendent, teacher, choir, assistant to the pastor, UMW, etc... As a woman in the same apointment (1/4 time) they would like to see me doing all that he did, and all that SHE did too! As far as I know ther has never been a church secretary here. One woman was doing the bulletins, but unless I got it to her when SHE wanted to do it, that brought its own set of problems. Easier to do it myself. They do understand that I can't teach Sunday school, since I have two churches, and each has SS while I am leading worship in the other. I have found it impossible to limit myself to the 12-15 hours/week they consider "1/4 time." The appointment at the other church is 1/2 time, and I am attending college at the same time. Boundaries is a definite issue here! Thanks for the articles and the conversation.

RevJan in CNY.

Date: 11 Sep 2002

Contribution

AAARGH! I recently read a book written by the Dean of the BIlly Graham School of Evangelism "Surprising Insights from the UnChurched" and they compared growing churhes (by their definition anyway-number of new Christians per year and as percentage of congregation) and control (non-growing) churches and they focused on the importance of the pastor, and they had some good things to say like the importance of being a team player insted of a lone wolf (something I'm still working on OK)

But there was another part of their findings that really bothered me- they said that pastors in the growing churches worked 62 hours a week and on average slept less than six hours a night, while the pastors in the control churches worked about 42 hours a week and slept an average of eight hours.

I used to have a very physically demanding job (first as a sales associate and then assistant manager at an 84 lumberyard)and I don't think I worked more than 55 hours once or twice a year, usually averaging about 52, but they insisted that we take two full days off a week. Oh, and I was about twenty years younger

My point (and I do have one) is how does an ordinary guy like me (who needs eight hours a night, and begins to make stupid mistakes when my workload reaches about 45 hours and has a wife with a full-time job and a fourteen year old daughter)feel when he reads that if I was doing more the church would be doing better.

The book did have one interesting thing to say about boundaries-the pastors in the growing churches spent no time in custodial duties while the pastors of the control churches spent about 5 hours per week (opening and closing buildings, signs, picking up bulletins from sanctuary,etc.)

Maybe what we need to work on is not working more, but setting up our places and times where we can be more focused. When W. A. Criswell was pastor of First Baptist Church in Dallas, he always protected his mornings, for study and writing. After a few years, his congregation started to honor this (that's one thing about boundaries- they need to be consistent and long-term or else no one will pay attention to them, again something I'm working on)

I know I'm rambling, but one last thing- before someone convinces that you have to work a lot of hours to get things done well- John Wooden, the winningest coach in college basketball history also ran the shortest practices-they never went over 90 minutes.One of the reasons for this is that he planned every minute of his practice.

When I get here in the morning, I try to take time to pray and meditate (about 45 minutes) When id od this, I get a lot more done!

Revgilmer in Texarkana

Date: 22 Sep 2002

Contribution

I find it difficult to say no. However, I have learned (or am learning) at meetings to ask "who can do this?" and then making sure the task is assigned to that person and not to me. I seldom come out of meetings any more feeling overwhelmed with tasks which I have volunteered for or agreed to do. KP Illinois

Date: 27 Sep 2002

Contribution

I have done a lot of work on the topic of "what clergy do", and therefore "what we are good for" as well. As I observe my colleagues, and experience a present challenging call, I see the great importance of not being exhausted. It sounds simple. When I have a sense of freshness and energy...eg early in the week, I can stand back and deal well with the "slings and arrows" which come my way. When I am tired, it is too easy to take it all personally. I watch my colleagues put in 55 hour plus weeks and see them so tired. I wonder about effectivness...not to speak of witness! Deborah

Date: 6/19/2003

Contribution

I have worked as a senior pastor for over twenty years. Recently i assumed responsabilities as an assistant pastor in a larger church setting. It seems that all of the boundaries that I had set while working with congregations and boards are now quickly going out the window. I have a 13 year old son and a 9 year old daughter. My wife works full time outside of the church and directs all of the children's programs within the church. I have not had 2 days off in a row in almost a year now, with teh possible exception of Christmas week. My walk with the lord is not where it used to be partially due to the fact that now time for devotions in the office seems to be very limited. I am still expected to keep up a regular schedule of preaching, teaching, counselling and pastoral care. I feel as if the things that I negotiated when I was hired are not being respected.

How do I set boundaries in this kind of setting?